Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Summer Solstice

Happy Summer Solstice! It has been two beautiful days here in the big Apple City and it reminded me of the high school days when I still had school in late June and first week of July.  Today is not a sewing post and maybe a little bit of sewing sharing, not much! You might want to skip or scroll down photos quick and enjoy the beautiful solstice day, but you always know that I love you stay and join me with an afternoon tea and shortbread cookies. 


A little over a year ago, I wrote this {post} and now just a little over year later I am ready to share how this year have been in the dense and populated city.  It actually not all perfect and that great! I might have shed more tears than I had in last ten years and living through unexpected changes and making bigger adjustments in this life I live.


After left the key in the house and met with the realtor on the house closing day, we traveled to Northwest  Iowa and stayed with our friends for a few days before onto our big move; cross half of the country. We spent afternoons by the lake with Julie and had taken time drove through roads between fields and you know in Iowa it is likely corns and beans.

Before we left Iowa...
the cornstalks were just by my knee and it is always, corns will be knee high by fourth of July.

It was humid days while our last few days in Iowa. I think it was record of 98 degrees, but I could be wrong after a year's memory. We stayed inside at Carol's house a lot.  Unload the car and reload the car again ( can you picture that? with lots last minutes of clean up the house and stuffed the car as many as we can take).  With Ron's help that I was able to map out the roads, interstates that to be on. Things to watch out for and I-80 East was terrible in Illinois, trucks and semis...
I was pretty scared! 

Before we left Iowa...
We stopped by the local bakery more than we should while we were around. I can't tell you how  hearty these handmade donuts were and meant to us. It was always perfect birthday treats for kids while S was in daycare and perfect treats for Carol and I having coffee time together.

 Summer fields in Iowa are always green and the sky is always always blue and endless... 

Only three plants made their live after a year... I basically and accidentally left them without much care and that said, I am not a green-thumb! (duh)



Sunset time over the field is gorgeous and outstanding! It is breathtaking moments. I've so much appreciation and love for it! It is always my favorite kinda drive. I could pull the car off the road and just... ENJOY

We left Northwest Iowa in an early morning, hugged and waved goodbye to dear friends and of course, had to made the last stop at bakery and double check on the belongings are all in.

 Eastern Iowa

 Mississippi River 

 Cars were crowed 


 Hello... Indiana 

We cut through part of Indiana and enter Michigan for a fun detour trip. 





Michigan is a beautiful state! We had wished made our way to North Western part of Michigan to visit Rebecca, but didn't made our way there... always next trip and stop!



 Cross Bronx Express.... oh my god!

 oh dear...


I shouldn't tell you how frighten I was driving through Cross Bronx Expressway, G. Washington bridge and Throgs Neck Bridge.  I was pretty sick by the time when we arrived the apartment building. It was the most dense and intense drives that I have ever done. I shed my tears the first time after three days driving cross half of the country; shacking hands and body after being honked by trucks and cars, million times... seriously!

Oh, I said, I never drive again!

The apartment isn't all that perfect, but it is a place where we started the new journey in big Apple City and a place, we sometimes called home! Last summer, when the container came in the early morning (7:30a.m.). It was 84 degree and humidity was 85% already. It was not so easy for us to unload all the boxes and few furnitures, but you know we made it within two hours unloading and later on hired two movers to come help us move up.


Indeed I have had few seconds of how we are going to fit everything in this tiny apartment and that took a full year and some "letting go" time and that was hard moments!

It took a few weeks to get the apartment set up and finding places for grocery shopping and few tries and fails of finding the right milk. This move is particular hard since I don't drive after the day arrived! I learned to get on bus and walk a mile or two to local grocery stores.

There is a Korean grocery store behind the Post Office off Springfield Blvd. that I discovered just few weeks after arrival. The gentleman who runs a small Korean style pastry always says, "an yo ha say yo" ( how are you? in Korean),  I always reply, "Hello".  Every week, I would walk there to get milk and look around what the store carries. It is fascinating to see items labeled in both Korean and English!

On my way out from the K store, I always stopped by another grocery store runs by Italians. There I found the most  delicious sausages for cheese and crackers and that's where I get lunch meat, too. I love how they slice meats and cheese for what I ask for.  By the time, I walk out the I store, my hands are likely full and heavy! But I always need another stop, the coffee shop!

It took me sometimes to get used to order coffee here, at least the coffee that I go to. The lady who probably remembered my face after a year of ordering plain coffee.

Every time our conversation always start...

the Lady: How do you like your coffee?
Me: Plain would be great, Thank you!
the Lady: Milk and sugar?
Me: Oh, no, just plain.
the Lady: NOTHING?? Black?
Me: Oh, Yes!

and now, I would tell her if I needed milk or sugar. Likely, is black now!

By the time, I get a cup of coffee, and groceries. I walk a mile back. It is rather quick now since it has became part of the life for me. I've always like to count the streets and always stop every corner of the streets before I cross.  Can I secretly tell you it is dangerous walking street to street? Cars sometimes run over stop signs and after a year, I still have a heart attack for that.

 My inner voice said Gosh, they need count to 10 before they go on stop sign... 


The year went rather quick and it is surely turning corners of our everyday life. It hasn't been easy and have been hard in someway. Mostly the lifestyle, the struggles of us living without a great community supports and friends. People who we used and able to turn into for good and bad times are living in far distance from us now.

The people that I regularly have conversations with since moved is the gentleman in the Korean pastry shop, hello and Thank you! Then the lady in the coffee shop, plain and Thank you! I also love taking time at the check out counter and listen to different languages that I am exposed to. It has been lonesome sometimes.  I bet our friends knew that so they've sent cards in the mail, texts, emails, sometimes calls then I shed more tears ...

The depression hit on me rather quick after my sister's visit last summer. It was hard time to go through and I had shed more tears for little things; questioned and wondered if this is the right move for us, but that isn't a questionable question, life forward and go on...

I was able to go see my mama last Fall and regain the meaning of the motherhood and learn to be a brave and adventurous person again. I worked hard on depression, but it is not that easy! Along that I knew something is wrong with my health. I wasn't careful enough and was letting myself draining myself down. When I was in the doctor's office this early spring and done a health check up. Doctor had serious conversation and letting me know the worse case is cancer cells, but let's wait for the numbers to come back.

Before getting the report back, my life was in the deeper and darker place.  There were many of what if is cancer? How scary that sounded to me? I shed my tears more often, but the reality was that I really needed to learn and  try to live better and trying things that I have dreamt about and step away my fear and uncertain, but it was not easy when I was in the frustrated situation and deeply felt, I can't! 

Then, I started a schedule for myself and getting things cross off the list that I made the beginning of the week. It started small goal then following up bigger goals. Sometimes, when I am unwell, the daily goal is getting the floor map then I could just lay down for the rest of the day. Ok, that sounded so silly, but I did for a few times! When the day that I could and had more strengths,  the daily goal is getting clothes wash then I could just lay down for the rest of the day. That sounds ridiculous, but I have done that a few times.  It really gradually improved and I was able to do both in a day and more!

The day before doctor visit, I had sleepless nights! I got on the bus that morning and waited at the doctor's office and was nervous! That was probably some longest one hour waiting time.  As the doctor sat down, face to face with me, the first sentence doctor said, it is not cancer cells! I couldn't say anything... follow up with instructions and the treatment for me for the next six months.

On the way home on the bus, I was pretty sick and the bus was crowed! I had got the shots that same day as the treatment takes months in between. It was probably closed to two o'clock that afternoon when I got back. I had fell asleep for the first time, peace.  The following days, weeks, and months, I started exclusive diet, food that I can consume and not to have. Oh, I wasn't all that perfect to follow. I still have a few cookies in between and visits to the coffee shop from time to time.  I've started gained some health strength back. Likely I feel that good energy is coming back and you know what?
That depression moment is going away, slowly.



Few weeks back, I had the second treatment and the numbers are still good, but have lost some weight!  I started to work on my belief on this life that I want and what does it means to me and my family. I am still learning to be a better mother, a healthy mind human kind, and a kinder person. How can I step outside and try to meet people openly still is hard for me, but I have tried a few things and it really like a magic wand; made some differences!

I have finally feel it is good time to be open and honest to share this year's journey. It is not all so great, but it made me grew and be stronger! It might not and will never be perfect, but I am giving it a try! Trying to be who I am, cheerful and thoughtful and trying bring positives into life, not just mine, but people around me.

For sure, One step a day!















After almost a year living  in Big Apple City. There is still many uncertainty and unsettle times. There is still hard time, challenges and struggles in life and I need to work on that.  I see the importance I am playing as a role of a mama, a family member and a friend.

The dramatic life shifting is rough if I am not able to lift myself up in a positive attitude it is impossible to improve!  I knew I will continue to shed tears as I go on, but now I see that as a positive to let go the frustrations and letting the negatives out when is need.

Last couple months I have been working hard on re-center the positive on me and how can I take good care of myself, so from there I can take care everyone else and provide comfort to love ones! It is not easy to being more honest and being available in most ways, but I am trying! I have feel good that I am able to reflect the new meaning of life and more to myself these days!

and now... I am excited!

Excited that my papa is coming to visit me so soon! We'll be journey together this later summer. I plan on having good health, so I can take good care of him while he is here! I have started a list of where to take him, food to try, and must to do's list with him!

In this life, I like to be a better pilot; adventurous and positives!

more later,

xxc

**photo credit: S.J.H.

21 comments:

  1. This is so awesome! I loved reading about your journey. It so hard to make big changes and yet so good as you move uncomfortably through them. Thank you so much for being brave and sharing.

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    1. Thank you for following along! It is not as easy as it sounds and seems, but all it takes is brave and curious!

      Have a wonderful day,

      xxc

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  2. I'm so glad you shared and that things are going better. Also i've never wanted to go to the Midwest much and now I really want to see it in summertime! Such beautiful photos.

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    1. It is such a humble place to be and visit! You'll find it quiet simple and the space is wide for fitting people all kind! If you ever make it there, I LOVE to hear your journey and stories!

      cheers,
      xxc

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  3. Such a lot going on in just a year, keep on taking it easy and being gentle with yourself

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  4. You have really had a difficult journey and it sounds like you are overcoming your obstacles. It looks like you are making a nice, comforting home for yourself in the big city. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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    1. Home sweet home! :)

      Have a wonderful day

      xxc

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  5. I can so relate to all that you have said. Life is a journey, it is all about how you travel it. Keep up the good work.It does get easier. There are always bumps in the road. Just take them as a positive and enjoy the travel. Cancer, depression, they are the bumps, your good progress on your health, and the visiting of your Dad are the smooth parts of the road. Travel toward the smooth parts, stay positive and take care of your self. Thank you for sharing. You are so sweet.

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    1. Hi Mary,

      Thank you for all the good wishes and kindly supports!
      The positiveness is so important to make the path forward this moment.
      In this life journey, there are always bumps ahead of me and goodness I've got good support community!

      Have a wonderful day,
      xxc

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  6. what a wonderful journey you wrote, always love to read and look at all those pictures. Have a wonderful Summer, Chase .. hope you and Stella feel good live in NY and ready to call NY as your home now :)

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  7. Chase, I am glad that you feel comfortable sharing your experiences with depression with your friends out here in Blogland. I, too, suffer from depression and I understand the pain and frustration that it can cause to your life. I hope you know that we all care about you and wish you and your daughter the best!

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    1. I hope you'll soon find your ground because it took a long journey for me to gain the positives back.
      It are frustrations in life journey, but I see them as new challenges and move once step a day!
      Sometimes, it takes time to embrace the new to old and that will come back in goodness!

      Thinking of you!

      have a great day,
      xxc

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  8. Thanks for sharing. You seem like a really sweet person. Wish we lived close to each other as I think we could be friends. However, I live in the Midwest, which I truly love and never plan to leave. Hopefully it will help you to live life slowly one day at a time. I am wishing only the best for you and look forward to hearing how your life progresses. By the way, I greatly love all of your work and your photography is spectacular. Thanks again for sharing!

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    1. Midwest friend sounds so good right now! I do miss the space, sky and the people. The calm and slowing down life style is so precious. I am sure it is soon to be sweet corn season and I'll miss it first time. Enjoy the summer and thank you for everything!

      xxc

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  9. Depression is so very hard. Being lonely hurts. One day soon you will make a friend there and it will really help. In the meantime lean on all of your readers. I know that I would struggle just the same if I were in your shoes. Thank goodness the sun rises each morning and its a new day:)

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    1. Thank you, Linda!

      Things get better daily and I hope soon I am cheery everyday! :)

      xxc

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  10. Thank you for sharing with us Chase... You have had such a difficult time. I hope that things will continue to improve for you. Visits from friends and family are so important and hopefully you will have a wonderful time with your father...love and hugs Sue xxxx

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    1. Thank you, Sue!

      I think my papa will bring lots unconditional love my way and we are so looking for his visit!
      It is hard to wait for his arrival time!

      xxc

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  11. Beautiful pictures too 😀😀 xxx

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